[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in
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|Tuesday, January 9th, 2007|
A fire burns inside of me
Brighter than any star
But everyone around
Has tried to keep covered
Covered like clouds on a stormy night
Never let it show
Always drift in front of the light to hide it from prying eyes
It's too intense
We are doing the world a favor by stealing the view
Now I don't know how to let it shine
An overcast life
Surrounded by clouds
My light filtered and blocked
They want my light
They want it for themselves
Want to keep it hidden
But They can't handle the intensity
I burn brighter than a star
A star hidden and covered by jealous clouds
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|Thursday, November 23rd, 2006|
I am here
In this place I call hell
I have to fake that i am alright
The entire time I am here
I can't look sad or be quiet
I have to laugh and be polite no matter what
I hate it here
If I am ever sent to a hell dimension it will look exactly like Laurinburg
Happy memories of times with him are imprinted on every inch of this area
I hate pretending to laugh
I start to feel psycho after awhile
I hate trying to smile and be upbeat when all I want is to scream
These people ruined my life
They took away part of my family from me
And they expect me to be glad and sacrifice a bird with them
Breaking bread with the enemy
The ones who made me the miserable sop I am today
I'm not blaming all the problems in my life on these people
Just the one that matters
They took my love away from me
Now I am empty and hollow
One more day of pretending to be alright
Then I can stay away for another two months... at least Current Mood: full of hatred and misery
|Tuesday, November 14th, 2006|
I'm not focused, I'm out of it... all the time. I couldn't even tell you what I did today. I know i went to work. I know the computer acted funny for a few minutes. I know I watched the graduation episodes of Buffy and the new one of House. Thats about all I can remember. My abs are sore... It took almost an hour before I remembered that I had dance yesterday. I don't know who was in class and who wasn't and I'm pretty sure I forgot to turn in attendence again. I was doing so much better with the teaching thing. I was doing really well. Next week is thanksgiving, not looking forward to it. Baby's birthday is coming up. I don't have any money, that sucks. Do I invite the child of my now estranged best friend, who took the path of so many others and left me when i needed her the most? I should be doing something important. I just don't know what it is. I need some Jack, Jack makes it all better. One of the things HE has no hand in. This is all me and Chris. Current Mood: higgelty-piggelty
|Sunday, November 12th, 2006|
Evidently this community has been abandoned and transferred to me, can you tell how ecstatic I am, if there are any members left in this group, I thought you might like to know. Current Mood: aarrrgggghhhh
|Thursday, November 2nd, 2006|
Life (or something not at all like it)
Where's the damn switch
I know's there's a reset button somewhere
Maybe if I kick it a couple of times
Smack it hard on the side with an open hand
Shake it a little
Or maybe unplug it
I can't get this damn life to work Current Mood: extremely depressed
|Tuesday, October 10th, 2006|
Fuck this time and place
I'm new to this community, this is my first post and here is my fucking rant. I am sick and fucking tired of being miserable. Every damn morning I wake up and a wave of misery washes over me, sometimes small, sometimes a tidal wave, but it's always fucking there. It's a miserable fucking life full of idiot peopple who make it worse. FUCK!!!! I've quit cutting, I've given up on almost everything and I have no personal time at all. Ranting doesn't make me feel better anymore, but I need to rant. Current Mood: aarrrgggghhhh
|Thursday, August 3rd, 2006|
the Wizard of OZ
Check out this guys fight for:
LIGHT LIFE LOVE and LIBERTY.http://hermit418.livejournal.com/16604.html
He speackes out for Liber Oz,
some people fuckin talk about Thelema,
This guy is living it.
No matter what the fuck any tries to do to stop him.
He is fighting the heads of the OTO, and is not taking shit from no one.
He is like "FUCK you bitches, give me what Lon DeQueets head on a stick or I'll ass fuck you all!!!!"
Is this guy Crowley come back to show us the Light??
Fight on till everyone lives Liber OZ!!!
|Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006|
Stuck in the Future
I feel like I’m stuck in the future. Like my mind is 10, 20, maybe even 30 years ahead of my body and I can’t relax until my body catches up. So I’m stuck in the future, forced to worry about every second I haven’t even lived yet. What if I never catch up to my dreams and I’m stuck in this limbo for the rest of my life. Its to depressing to think about, I need to focus on something else. Current Mood: worried
|Monday, February 20th, 2006|
Glad to have found this community. I'm bipolar, and have self-mutilation tendencies. I am Cynical, Narcacistic, Bitchy. I used to be suicidal, but when you find your boyfriends roomate dead of an overdose on his bedroom floor, and you actually stare death right in the face, it changes your veiws.... the body looks very different unprocessed. May not have that effect on everyone, but it cured me of wanting to die... I am fascinated with Witchcraft and the use of crystals and Herbs. I don't go out much anymore, i prefer seclusion. except with my close friends... but i do like talking to people via internet. as my mood changes at the drop of a hat, and the idiot shrink of mine can't seem to get the right cocktail of drugs together to keep me sane, i'm sure i'll be back to rant very soon. Current Mood: moody
|Sunday, December 11th, 2005|
Argh, some boys are so stupid! My ex for example.. i broke up with him, and now he's in love again with an other girl.. it's fine only he wrote such things in his nickname.. really grose
Allright, i'm jalous, i need love :-(
Am i'm going to be mad? :-D
|Friday, July 15th, 2005|
Can it and kiss off...
Well hell, I found a place to vent. Time to piss off and/or depress the entire f***ing world. My name is Beth for starters. I suppose I realized the world sucked when I was nine. I went to a sleepover for one of my *friends*, and was locked in the smegging basement 'til two in the morning. I have bipolar disorder, manic deppression, social anxiety, seperation anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, anger-management issues, self-mutilation tendencies, and suicidal tendencies...I'm an all-around f***ing ball of darkness. My dad's a nutcase who can't even remember my name most days. My sister hates my guts and pointed a smegging pistol at me once. I guess if it weren't for my mom, I would've offed myself ages ago. 99% of the students at my school want to off me because I'm Wiccan, either off me or convert me. They think I'm a smegging Satanist, which goes to show how much they know if they think Wicca=Satanism. If anyone feels like messaging me or whatnot outside of Lj, my yahoo id is spikyontheway and my MSN is jrock_princess2006.
...I feel slightly better now...only slightly... Current Mood: Nah, I'm not *angry*...
|Thursday, May 12th, 2005|
Please say some thing nice to my friend.
If want to help some one that you don't even know feel better I could really use your help right now. Can you please go to To my friends blog
and just tell her some thing nice please. Even if its just a "Dude, I think your cool" That would so mean the world to her.
Thats her and her boyfriend. Thank you to every one that leaves her a nice comment.
Yes I know I'm not the one in pain but just think of all the times you just wished you had some one..ANY ONE, even if you didn't know you, just say some thing nice to you for no reason. I know this sounds silly a bit..But i know this woukld make her feel so much better.
|Wednesday, December 8th, 2004|
I'm rather new
I am like a fetus, raw, bare, weak, it's unlikely that I will survive this life 'o' mine. I decided that since I was so unhappy I would join this group and have people to vent to. Unless none of you care, then I will simply vent to the cold universe of the interet, nobody in particular. Current Mood: lonely, depressed, angry at me
|Tuesday, December 7th, 2004|
my f***ed up life
so, what's new in my life? well, somehow my life has gotten so messed up that I don't know if I can take it anymore. between what my ex did to me (that 12-year-old know-it-all must pay) and all the crap I get from my family for being, well, different, the temptation to bring out the X-Acto knife has been stronger than ever. my mom won't let me see a counselor ("You're just desperate for attention", she says), so all I can do is drown my anxiety on the Internet before I drown it in blood. I just keep reminding myself that I have a purpose here in this life, so I can't give up.
my goal is to be completely over my ex by the end of this year, but I dunno if I can- he hurt me pretty badly. for crying out loud, the pervert led me away from home just so he and his friend could feel me up in a dark corner of Lugonia Elementary until 2 am. but it's my fault, really. I gave in to their coersion. maybe my family's right in assuming I'm a dirty slut. I didn't actually screw either of them, but everyone thinks I did. Current Mood: depressed
|Friday, October 29th, 2004|
oh finally, i stumbled across a lj where you can vent and ppl. to relate with...somewhere where i REALLY show my true face, my true feelings...my other lj are mostly my happy moments...here, i can unload all my turmoil and not be judged...
hi all! i'm new here to this community...i'm eva...my life truly sucks, almost everyday...if it's not family, it's relationships...i live with an alcoholic father who's divorced (i don't blame my mom) & unemployed and likes to instigate arguments a lot and i'm in a really abusive (both physical, not as bad anymore, & verbal) relationship with this guy i'm so-called involved with...i know, i hear it all the time..."why don't you just leave him?" well.....it's just not that easy, i can't explain it...now i know how those women feel that go on Rikki Lake that complain about their abusive husbands/boyfriends and why they can't leave them...lots of women never think of such a thing happening to them, well, they do...and on top of that, i lost almost all my friends b/c of this guy...b/c of him i pushed my friends out of my life...but lucky fer me, they still want to be there for me...i feel like sometimes my life is a bad Lifetime Movie...haha~XD
well, i'll check in later...by all and nice meeting you~!! Current Mood: blah
|Thursday, October 28th, 2004|
I ate a popsicle today.
By the way, it was delicious.
Ah, what a life. Current Mood: cynical
|Tuesday, August 10th, 2004|
|Monday, July 26th, 2004|
|Monday, July 19th, 2004|
Its seems like yesterday that I was this naive little curly-haired girl that everyone loved and adored... Now I'm this young woman whose eyes are filled with so much pain and darkness that no one can see inside...Whose words are so full of hatred and loneliness that everyone who knew her then and now are left with the question... "What Happened?"
Lately I find myself saying that everything will get better if I could just make it through today...But the truth of the matter is...It doesn't get any better...It just gets harder and harder look forward.. Every breathe full of air I take today will be that much less tomorrow...Every morning I wake up sad because its a nightmare that I'm waking up TO rather then a nightmare I'm waking up FROM